"Sagging Pants" and "Pajamas" - I just don't get it

Where has self-respect and pride gone these days? And I'm not just talking about our children, but an alarming number of young adults and fully grown adults as well. 

I know there have been discussions before regarding our young men and the issue of sagging pants, but there is a new epidemic that has emerged that has been started by our young ladies! And for me personally, I find just as unattractive - and that is wearing pajamas everywhere they go!

Why? I just don't get it.

From the time I was like 15 years old up until about 2 years ago you couldn't get me out the front door without my hair and makeup done and my clothes clean and ironed. Not that I am not much the same way today, I just don't put as much emphasis on putting on makeup to run around the corner to the grocery store as I once did. And considering I am at home much more now than in the past I may get up and put on the same pair of jeans and top that I had on yesterday and maybe even from the day before. Why create more work for myself (laundry)? After all, the only thing I have done is sit at home at my desk working on my computer and maybe made a quick trip to the grocery. How dirty could I possibly get? And yes there are days when I lounge around in my pajamas all day. But you can best believe I don't leave the house in them.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same for everyone. I can't remember the last time I went to the store, the mall, the gas station and even to some appointments and there isn't either a man with sagging pants or a young lady in her pajamas or both. And they are just going about their day oblivious to how they are being perceived by the rest of the world or they just don't care.

Whatever happened to "The first impression is a lasting impression"? Obviously they just don't get it. The way they present themselves to the world says a lot about them to other people, whether their perception is true or not is irrelevant. People have a tendency to stereotype and judge each other based on what they see.

For me, why these trends started aren't as important as putting an end to them. But, what do we do to turn this around? Well as with everything I talk about, the first place it begins is at home.

Mothers, fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents sit down and discuss with the young men and women in your families the value of self-respect and pride in oneself.  And how easy it is to give the wrong impression of yourself and how hard it can be to change that impression.

I personally know that all young men who sag are not gang members, dope dealers and carry guns. But on the other hand, there are a lot of them who are. I know every young lady that I see at the grocery or mall isn't someone who is just too lazy to get up and put some clothes on, or has a bunch of babies and living on public assistance somewhere not doing anything to better herself. But then once again there are those for whom them that’s exactly the case.

But when their paths cross with the public for whatever reason, when the first thing they see is their pants down around their ankles and the only other thing they or I can see is your underwear (which by the way the keyword is "under", which means I shouldn't see them), or they look like they just rolled over got out of bed and decided to go shopping and advertise what they wore to bed last night, trust me the impression of them isn't going to be very high.

Maybe they are that young man or woman looking for employment, they walk up to the door of the grocery store and there is a sign posted, HELP WANTED and then they see their reflection in the door. Pants sagging, last night’s pajamas on.. Honestly, do they go in and apply? I hope not! And might I suggest; don't even inquire at this time about the job! Remember what I said about "First impression"? Oh and while you have to go home and change your appearance someone else may be walking away with the job.

Having been responsible for interviewing and hiring in the past, I realize that sometimes people just happen upon a job while going about their daily lives. So I understand that they may not be dressed totally appropriate for an interview.

And while I am open to giving any one a chance, for the sake of my employer I too was put in a position to stereotype.  That young man with his pants down around his ankles or the young lady in her pajamas inquiring about the help wanted sign on the door could be great workers. But their outward appearance suggests otherwise. Chances are unless they have excellent references and a great work history and provided I even take the time to look that far, 9 times out of 10 they won’t get an interview let alone the job. I know some of you reading this also have been put in this position. You know what I am sharing is true.

Sit down discuss these issues with your family, perhaps roll play with them. Showing them the differences between what you feel is appropriate and inappropriate dress. Make sure when you purchase clothing for the young men in your family or they purchase clothing for themselves that they fit and that they have a belt, and make them use it. Young ladies when they leave out the door, make sure they have clothes on. Don't just turn a blind eye on the situation, because you think it's just a trend that they are going through. We have been dealing with our young men and this sagging issue for the past 18+ years. That is not a trend.

I was fortunate when my daughters were growing up that they witnessed firsthand how young men were being stereotyped when sagging first started and they chose not to date a young man if they didn't wear their pants appropriately.  Not saying that they didn't have male friends that sagged, but when choosing which young men to date and be associated with, they chose the ones with their pants pulled up. (Patting myself on the Back)

Now, my son decided (once he was clear of the house and my watchful eye) to try the sagging trend until while walking to a friend’s one day he was robbed at gunpoint by another young man with sagging pants. Now the scary point which also turned out to be the biggest lesson was that my son tried to run, but he couldn't get away because of his sagging pants. Fortunately for us the only thing that was taken that day was a leather coat and a couple dollars, because it definitely could have been a lot worse. But from that day on my son has not sagged his pants and that was 18 years ago. A scary way to learn a lesson! But a lesson learned none the less.

Families stop and take a look in the mirror. Is the image in the mirror the first impression you or your family want to make? Fathers, grandfathers, look at yourselves - is the way that you dress influencing your sons and grandsons, the younger male figures in your lives? If you are sagging your pants, chances are your sons will too. Mothers and grandmothers stop and ask yourselves these same questions too. That quick errand to the store, the mall in your pajamas is an indication to your daughters that this type of dress in public is acceptable.  Remember I said it begins at home. 

Don't put your "Business in the Street" while you spend that "Tax Refund"

It's that time of year again and I know for some of us we are all happy to have that little extra cash to pay a few bills, stock up on groceries and household supplies. Grab the kids those much needed items to get them through the remainder of the school year. And perhaps splurge on a family night out for dinner and what's left put up for a rainy day.

Some may have been in the position to be able to take a vacation, purchase or pay off a car, make a down payment on a newer home or do some remodeling of your existing one.

All those things are great, and they also aren't the things that (I will just say) people with ill intentions are looking for.

Tax time is a lot like Christmas time when it comes to spending money. And everybody starts "Putting their Business in the street" from the moment they start spending it. Now I know everyone remembers all the warnings we hear on the news during the Christmas shopping season about leaving packages exposed in your vehicle. Let's all be diligent for the same holds true for the tax refund shopping season as well. But this is not exactly the point I am hoping to make, let’s take this one step farther

OK, hopefully you have taken care of the things that you needed to take care of or you and yours were in the position where your tax refund was yours to splurge on those latest gadgets that everyone in the family has been wanting; the new larger Flat Screen TV’s, Computers, Laptops and Tablets, Computer Gaming Systems and even the next generation Cellphone whatever the case, you are ready to go shopping. Great and that goes for me too, let’s go.

Now you have figured out how to squeeze that new larger TV in your vehicle the kids are in the back seat giggling about the new fun gadgets you just purchased for them and you head home to open up and start using your new stuff and this is where the problem begins and our business starts getting put in the street for all to see. Here’s how

It’s Monday and over the weekend you opened up all the new gadgets that you have gotten for yourselves and your family and that creates a lot of boxes, bags and trash that you don’t want cluttering up your home. So what do a lot of us do, especially those of us who do not have a garage to open up the door and throw everything in? We put the stuff out at the curb for the trash man. Unless your trash is picked up on Monday this could be a potential problem. Has anyone paid any attention to fact that your TV box is as big if not bigger than that new TV? Or the fact that that new box that computer, laptop, tablet or gaming system came in has the name and/or pictures and graphics displayed all over the box?

I don’t know about you, but as I ride around town and through neighborhoods where people set their trash out on the curb in front of their homes for pickup I am able to tell you a lot about who has possibly gotten their tax check and may have money or this house has a brand new flat screen or computer and it is all because of the trash! You can ride through some neighborhoods where people will put their business out in the street on Monday and it will sit there until trash pickup on Thursday or Friday!

Oh, and if you do have a garage that you are able to open the door and throw everything in, you leave the door up for all to see in while you wash the car or do yard work etc.

Remember those that I mentioned of ill intent? Tax season is their time of year too! The majority of them don’t have normal jobs like you and I. Their job is to canvas neighborhoods looking for you and me to let them know which house has a big expensive new television, computer or other gadgets. And then when they feel the opportunity is right, they will break into your home and walk away with everything you have. Most will target a place where they know there are things of value and most of us don’t realize we make our homes a target just by the mere act of taking out the trash.

Now I know you are saying, so what am I supposed to do? I can’t keep this stuff in my house! That is true, we can’t. But what we can do is learn to be a little more discreet with what we purchase for ourselves and our homes.

1.     Don’t put your boxes and things from major purchases out with the trash on Monday and your trash isn't picked up until Tuesday or later.
2.     Trash day is the day to drag that big TV or computer box out to the curb.
3.     Take a knife or box cutter and break down the boxes and store them for later use. Once they are broken down they slide easily behind and underneath things. I save a lot of my boxes to store clothes and other items in.

These are just a couple of ideas and you can probably thing of a couple more. But hopefully I got the point across that I was trying to make. And please keep in mind that although I mentioned Christmas and tax time we should be diligent at all times.

I don’t know about you, but even though I don’t have everything I want, the things I do have are mine and I want to keep them.

To Your Parenting Success - Nannie

"Daddy's Money" - Secret Wedges for teens and my thoughts

Good Morning - well try as I might, I couldn't get the stories and all the blogs I read yesterday regarding these new shoes geared for teens that go under the name of "Daddy's Money" out of my head. 

My first thought - Yeah right. What are the statistics on single parent households and there is no "Daddy"? How many mothers are out there waiting on "Daddy's Money" in the form of a child support check? Now giving credit where credit is do, there are men out there raising their kids as a single parent and I commend you. And to my 2 parent families my best wishes on keeping it together. And with that being said here is

My second thought - How disrespectful to those mothers and the fathers out there trying to raise their children on their own. To the two parent households where its not just "daddy's money" but "mommy's money" too that it used to purchase their child's needs and wants. 

I know even though my children are grown, if I heard it come out of their mouth when asked how they acquired something they replied my "Mommy's Money" my feelings would be hurt. It doesn't sound like they acquired it because I was thoughtful enough to want them to have it. It doesn't sound like they did anything to deserve it, let alone earn it. Sounds more to me like they manipulated me to spend my money to get it. These are just my thoughts, but I'm just saying.. 

When your child woke up this morning and the house was warm and they got out of bed and flipped on the lights, when they turned on the water to brush their teeth, when they walked in the kitchen to have breakfast, eating the food that you purchased- do they say to you, themselves or any one else's it is because of "Daddy's Money" or "Mommy's Money" that the bills are paid and food was bought? I'm just saying, if my/your child is going to understand our responsibility and respect us as a parent(s) to provide for them with "Our Money" whether "mommy or daddy" these are the things we should want them to associate that money with. Not a pair of shoes.

In my eyes a better name for these shoe's would have been "Earned, Saved or After Bills Money" 

To Your Parenting Success - Nannie